The snow blossoms

One afternoon this week, I went to a local antique mall to do some doll shopping.

I didn't have anything really specific in mind. I just wanted a chance to see what I liked and what attracted me.

Out of the whole antique mall, I was most drawn to this plastic bedspread bag with two old, very dirty dolls in it. They were tagged as 1930's-1940's, but since they were of soft vinyl, I figured they were probably later than that. I really liked the thought of getting them and cleaning them.

As in the past, I didn't take a before picture. I felt an impulse to start, and I just had to do it. I soaked their clothing in Oxyclean for around 48 hours, changing the water several times. I cleaned each doll thoroughly with a magic eraser and a toothbrush, and shampooed and conditioned the hair of the one that had hair. 

One doll is marked on the back of the neck with "Alexander Doll 19(C)60," and the other with "Amer Char 19(C)64."

I have photos today of the American Character doll. My best guess is that she could be American Character Tiny Tears from 1965, but I am still researching. I consulted a Facebook group for help, and group members are absolutely positive that the other doll is a Madame Alexander Kathy in her original outfit. However, people are still a little undecided about this one. 

For now, I'll call her "Tiny Tears" until I find out differently. 



Her hair is a lot shorter than in the Tiny Tears ads I saw, but not really shorter than the other dolls I've seen online. It's hard to know if it's been cut or not. The hair length seems all around uniform and intentional. The hair texture is quite coarse. I would like to know if it had been initially curled. It's so short, it would be hard to curl, but it would look cuter curled. 



I really enjoyed ironing and doing some small repairs to her dress. It's a pale shade of pink. The fabric is fine and gauzy, a delicate and pretty fabric I associate with vintage garments. It's hard to find doll or human clothing made of fabric this fine.

I want to make her a diaper, panties, socks, shoes, and a bonnet. I've already been looking at some vintage patterns and making plans.



Tiny Tears' eyes are a gray-green-blue color. I don't know if this was the original color, or if they were a blue color that changed over time, but this particular color works well with her hair and color and face paint, so it would be cool if her eyes were originally a more unique color like this. 



Tiny Tears is very much at home on the shelf. There's a space for little Kathy, once I get her outfit repairs finished. 

I actually have never collected baby dolls in my adulthood. These two are my two oldest dolls now as well as my only baby dolls.

One thing I was thinking while I was browsing the antique mall was how much I would like to return to my earlier plan, a couple of years ago, to look for dolls in-person only, never online, to attend doll shows and even to take some little road trips to go to doll shows. I attended one a couple of years ago, and it was a lot of fun. It felt like the part I liked best about a doll convention, not just the shopping, but the bliss of knowing I'm surrounded by other doll enthusiasts for a few hours -- except it was much shorter and much cheaper, leaving plenty of budget for doll purchases. 

I'm going to make it my goal to do that and also to make selections from my heart, not worrying any more about what fits logically with my collection. I loved walking around the antique mall for a few hours with that mindset, and I can't wait to do it again. 

This weekend, I started two ballet-themed books that at various times I have felt curious about and wanted to read:

Forbidden Dance, vol. 1., by Hinako Ashihara. I saw this advertised in the backs of other manga when I started collecting it again, but I don't remember seeing it in stores back in the day (early 00s). The manga style seems a little different to me, very "airy," so that the characters look partially constructed sometimes, and most of the sound effects aren't translated, so I have to stare at a page for a while before I can figure out if someone was laughing or there was a knock on the door. The work was originally published in 1997, and the English edition is copyrighted 2000.

Ballet for Drina, by Jean Estoril [cover image here]. I remember selecting one or more of the Drina series from the Scholastic book catalog. I was intrigued by the haughty-looking girl on the covers, and my memory definitely was right. I want to collect only the books with the haughty girl, so it might take a little bit longer. When I was in 5th grade, I found the books a little hard to read and never finished the series (possibly never finished any of the books), and it turns out they were originally published in 1957 and are British, so the language is definitely more advanced than other books I was reading at the time. Plus, there are many different editions floating around. 

I just finished the last volume of Aya Kanno's Otomen. I did enjoy that series, and it had a very good, solid ending. It was about Asuka, a boy in high school, who loves girly things but has to hide his hobbies like crochet, making cute bento boxes, or reading shojo manga because his mom is terrified of him becoming a "girl" and making their life more abnormal, since his dad left the family to "become a woman" when Asuka was a young child. There's a sense that there's a whole backstory about the parents that isn't quite resolved, but it is a little beyond the scope of a light comedy shojo manga, probably, so I don't mind just wondering about them. The dad "becoming a woman" reminded me of that same theme in Banana Yoshimoto's novel Kitchen (the main character's dad begins to identify as a woman after the mom passes away). 

I have been curious about what I was doing twenty years ago, and this afternoon while I was doing my facial treatments, I took out my old journals. 

I wrote a poem, and I’m not sure if it’s haiku-inspired or sijo-inspired. I am not sharing it because it is “good.” I am sharing it because it is pure, unadulterated me at 26:

I make my evening
of roses, antique lace and milk
For a moment I am a belle.

I wanted to add some commas in there when I typed that out, but I resisted. What was I talking about? I have no idea, but it’s interesting to ponder.

I was working night shift at the time, which was really hard on me both physically and emotionally. I really dreaded the evening, when I would leave for work. My shift started at 7 p.m., so I probably left around 6:15. So I was probably constructing a fantasy evening that contrasted as much with the real one as much as possible, an evening of pink and ivory colors, fragrance, and femininity. 

At some point, I had to start wearing glasses rather than contacts because my eyes hurt so badly. I cringed at my looks. And I taped my safety glasses to my glasses, so they wouldn’t slip off, to add insult to injury.

I try not to think too badly of night shift now, because if my plant ever closes, or I’m laid off (the former seems likely at this point), I may have to take what I can get for a time. My biorhythms have changed a lot, too. My shift starts at 7 a.m. now, and I’m in agony. Years ago, my shift started at 5 a.m., and it was no problem. Manufacturing plants have a special way of coming up with the most sadistic shifts ever. The one I left to come here was 6 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. 

Also, I have had to start wearing glasses again lately. My eyes were hurting so badly in contacts. When I got my eye exam last week, I got my first progressive lenses prescription. Today was my first day wearing progressive lenses. It’s not nearly as big of a deal as I thought, and I can read the tiny, tiny text on the little chemical bottles at work, which has been a daily struggle for me for a long time, since I am constantly having to record lot numbers and expiration dates for stuff I use in my lab notebook. 

I feel like my glasses look like the ones that a girl I once admired online wore (she doesn’t seem to keep any accounts anymore). She wore medieval costumes sometimes, and somehow I feel a step closer to making my medieval outfits.

All in all, I am doing a lot better right here, right now, in 2026, than I was in 2006. I wish I could visit with my past self, because I would have a lot to say. 

I got lots of lovely things in the mail this week!

My Loving You Barbie showed up. She was shipped a few days later than I had hoped she would be, but she did arrive -- and she and her outfit were so incredibly dirty. 

I may have taken a sick day, a mental health day, if you will, on Thursday to clean her and her outfit. 

( Dolls and real-life fun )

We have been snowed-in this weekend, so our immediate physical environs have been blissful. But knowing what has been happening elsewhere in the United States is horrific. I could only stomach watching two videos filming the murder. There is apparently more detailed footage, but I haven't been able to watch the event again.

To off-set this horror... Barbies. Also took photos of my dogs in the snow in their parkas. 

I took out my collection and played yesterday and today, and I did some outfit research as well.



( Barbies and dogs )

I have completed Shen Congwen's "Night March" and Lao She's "Black Li and White Li," "The Glasses," and "Grandma Takes Charge."

I greatly enjoyed "Night March." It had many similar elements to wuxia drama (and thus, probably pre-modern literature, but I don't really know that): a band of friends moving through the wilderness, ostensibly on a quest, mysterious and gothic settings, and an intriguing stranger with a revelation. I will try to find more Shen Congwen to read.

Of the three Lao She short stories I have read so far, I took the most from "Black Li and White Li." I enjoyed the way the brothers were contrasted through various scenarios: vying for the same woman, treatment of the less fortunate, and response to modernization. Both could be said to be honorable or respectable in a sense, but since the story was told from the perspective of Black Li's friend, I felt partial to him.

The other two Lao She stories were about people's absurd behaviors toward Western technologies. In the case of "The Glasses," the characters appeared backward, but pitiable, and in "Grandma Takes Charge," which was more of a satire, they were wretched. The stories could be read as a critique toward the people, or a critique toward technologies incompatible with their culture. 

I received Xiao Hong's The Field of Life and Death & Tales of Hulan River yesterday, and last night, I read the translator's notes and preface. I got the impression that Xiao's works are more woman-centered, with potential feminist readings, and I am really looking forward to that. I have encountered very little East Asian modernist literature written by women. 

Right now, I'm using the following three apps to learn Mandarin:

• Rosetta Stone (currently Unit 5, Travel)
• Reword: Learn Chinese (currently 100% HSK 1, 80% HSK 2)
• Du Chinese (Newbie level, but I only have access to one story since I don't have a subscription)

I think many people would not recommend Rosetta Stone. That is cool. It is pinyin-only, and feeling its limits is what inspired me to explore the latter two apps. I like Rosetta Stone because it's a jumping-off point, and by accident or design, the vocabulary and grammar it introduces roughly corresponds with Reword, so that pretty soon after I learn the pinyin, I learn the characters. I like Rosetta Stone, because it's easy to step into for 10 or 15 minutes at a time, even if I'm tired or not having a big brain day. Plus the accompanying pictures and content always lift my spirits with the sunlight and warmth. 

Du Chinese is the coolest but also the most formidable of the apps. In terms of price, I'm keeping Du Chinese on the back burner until I'm getting close to done with the Rosetta Stone course, because the cost of subscribing to all three apps at once is going to feel a little insane. 

My goal right now is to keep going with Rosetta Stone and maintain daily progress on Reword. It would be cool if I finished Rosetta Stone in 2 years. If I stay consistent, I'm able to get through a unit a month and attend to all the little details in the unit, and there are a total of 20 units. 

This is so unbelievable, I had to share. I have long wanted Volks SDC Kurenai's default wig for my Kurenai, Lorien. I was just shopping Volks' site for a similar wig and searched for an old image of Kurenai to try to get the hair color right. The first result was a Buy It Now auction listing for an actual Kurenai wig for half the price of a new Volks wig. Got that immediately. 

Last night, after receiving the go-ahead from Dollmore, I sent my 2 heads via Click N Ship, directly from my mailbox. I checked the tracking, and it was picked up at 1:31 p.m. today. 

I can't believe how this is all coming together. Lorien may have her time in the sun for the very first time this year. I have never even gotten to play with her, and now it's looking like she's going to come together as a beautiful like-new doll. 

Philippa did not understand; the unknown held for her no fears that she could not vanquish by common sense. She was handicapped neither by imagination nor a restless yearning for beauty and fulfillment.

Katherine, Anya Seton